Mothering Maps

On charting our course

Happy (UK) Mother’s Day, dear mamas! Writing to you on this day comes with the acknowledgement that mothering is not confined to raising children. Whether you’re immersed in mommy mode, nurturing a creative project, or creating new directions for yourself, please read on… This is also my monthly free post, a little love letter for you on Mothering Sunday — if you’re enjoying the writings and practices I offer here you can upgrade your subscription anytime to access all content and the full experience.

This week my son’s homework was to make a pirate map — a detailed guide with, of course, an X marking the hidden treasure. Squishy 5 year old cheeks poised in concentration, he carefully plotted his course, crayons and markers furiously working across his page. Then, his excited little voice, “Let me show you — it’s tricky, you have to go through the mountains and past the volcano… and watch out for the shark!” Indeed. And how good it feels to be shown the way.

As mothers, we have no map. There’s no definitive guide to how best to stumble through the fog of early matresence, walk through the endless chaos of small humans, and get a clear view past the mess… There’s no X to mark the spot, only an ever-unexpected journey ahead. We learn as we go, so often feeling one step forward, two steps back as we navigate the cycles and seasons of nurturing children — and ourselves.

I know for myself, so often, just as it feels like I’ve gained some footing, found a rhythm, it all shifts again.

And so the map of motherhood, turns out, is simply showing up as best we can each day. Just like balance, just like our littles, this can vary wildly from day to day and moment to moment. 

Mapmaking

One thing I do as a practice, after all the teeth are brushed, books are read, tucks have been made, little noses kissed and soft creature toys snuggled… is to take a moment to review my own day.

Nothing fancy, just a brief inventory that loosely follows these inquires about the contents of what has happened:

How have I been with myself? Did I greet myself sweetly? Did I offer myself kindness and compassion? What kind of example have I set?

What did I do well? What felt good? In what moments and interactions did my actions align with intentions, regardless of what was coming up?

What might I handle differently next time? In what moments and interactions does it feel like I fell short in some way? What’s a path I’d rather follow?

The insights that arise in these moments become like maps — signposts sometimes affirming areas where things are feeling good, ways to continue, and other times flagging recognition of my own upbringing and conditioning, often outdated maps that I no longer wish to follow. Even as I review somewhat regrettable moments, things I used to replay and fret over…. In this practice of reflection I’ve learned not just to let those things go, but to hold them closer to myself as maps to the path I’ll choose next time. 

The real sat nav usually relates to how I’ve been with myself. I look closer and see my children mirroring me and remember that, especially when they are small, Mama is the map, my friends. So we might gently ask ourselves in any moment, what kind of course am I charting?

I know, sometimes it feels like a lot of pressure. And so I remind myself, and all of us, that our attention, our presence, isn’t just the map, it’s the treasure — the X marking the spot. It’s the most precious thing we can offer our families, ourselves, and each other as we show up as best we can, growing through the uncertain path ahead, becoming, together. 

Roses and thorns
embraced, equally
I’ll hold these up
in front of me
mirrors
maps
guiding me on

What guides you in your mothering (of any kind)? Please share your notes, we’d love to hear what supports you to navigate…