Gathering attention

On staying with yourself

I often wake thinking about a lot of things. An undercurrent of anticipation of the day ahead nudges me from sleep; a white noise of to dos, kid logistics, project plans, ideas… attention, dispersed.

This is why I meditate in the morning. 

Tiptoeing down our creaky old stairs in attempt not to wake my sleeping family, I detour through our kitchen to open the back door and breathe in the soft first light and birdsong of the day. It’s spring, the temperature still fickle, causing a little shiver that stirs my nervous system, activating my internal systems. Flicking the kettle to life, I pour my lemon ginger and head into the stillness of the lounge where I toss a cushion from the sofa onto the floor and crack open the blinds. I try to keep myself slow and steady but my mind has already accelerated uptempo.

Easing down to the carpet below, I cross my legs, rock side to side a few times, gently arranging my not fully awake body into some semblance of a container for my scattered attention. Getting to this point is a little journey in itself. And this, it feels, is when my day actually begins. 

“I can’t quiet my mind.”

Maybe you’ve said this before? I’ve come to know it as the most common response to the query, “Do you meditate?”

Mmmmm, yes, marbles on a plate. This, I understand. Also, it turns out, mandating silence isn’t even what it’s about.